Conflict is something we face in our everyday life which makes our life miserable. Many people during conflict try to escape the situation and make it worse for themselves. The best way to overcome conflict is not to escape it but fight it.
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” — William James
If you want to resolve conflict, you’re going to have to make the first move. That means you’re going to have to ask for God’s help, because it takes courage to approach someone you are in conflict with and tell that person you want to sit down and work it out.
Then, you don’t start with what the other person has done wrong. You don’t start with a bunch of accusations or ways that you’ve been hurt. You start with what’s your fault.
The conflict may be 99.99 percent their fault. But you can always find something to confess! Maybe it was your poor response, even if it came out of defensiveness. Maybe it was your attitude. Maybe it was the way you walked away.
You have weaknesses in your life that others see clearly but you’ve never seen. Those are your blind spots. You have weaknesses you’re clueless about. That’s why you need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with your own faults.
Jesus said, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5b NCV).
He’s saying you need to confess your part of the conflict first. What’s the piece of wood in your eye that is keeping you from seeing the situation clearly? Don’t start with the other person and all the ways they’ve hurt you until you’ve confessed your part of the conflict first.
Did you cause conflict by being insensitive? Or were you overly sensitive? Did you not show compassion for the person who was hurting? Were you being over demanding? What are your blind spots? Once you figure them out and confess them, you’ll be ready for the next step in conflict resolution.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.